Hypothetical Sex and Birthdays
by Caskett-Darren-Life
Summary: "No, really, you don't think he looks like you?" "No, Scully, but I do think your obsession with Californication is unhealthy."


My first X-Files fanfic, yay! And, not to brag, but I'm pretty sure this is the 9,000th fic. Heehee.

**Disclaimer-Really, if I owned David Duchovny and Gillian Anderson, would I be writing FANFICTION? Nope, don't own them, The X-Files, Keeping Up With the Kardashians, or Californication. Or anything besides this computer and this idea, really.**

Mulder walked in the door, taking a moment to take off his black leather jacket and shoes. He smiled. Today was Scully's birthday, and he had a plan to make it one of her most memorable yet. Starting with dinner, then-

Crap, dinner! He had completely forgotten about the marinara sauce on the stove while he slipped out to buy her favorite champagne. He hurried over to the stove and breathed a sigh of relief when he discovered it was still delicious. He added some basil and stirred a little before noticing how quiet it was. Scully had the day off, so where could she be? He knew she didn't like celebrating her birthday too much, but running away was extreme for her. Besides, her car was still in the garage. He knew she wasn't upstairs, the floor creaked and he'd be able to hear her. So where was she?

He turned the stove off and listened closely. There as a faint noise coming from the den. Of course, the one place he hadn't thought to look. He walked in to find it all dark, save for the glow of the TV, which Scully sat in front of, entranced by-

Of course.

"Really, Scully? Again? Isn't there anything else you ever watch?"

She held up a finger. "Shh, this part's really important. See, Hank is about to-ahh," she was cut off rather unexpectedly by Mulder's lips on her neck.

"Oh really?", he murmured in a husky, lust-filled tone.

Scully groaned again, lips meeting lips, her hands in his hair, his traveling steadily southward. Abruptly he pulled back and Scully frowned at the loss of contact. He laughed at her expression.

"I thought you had a show to watch? Go on, this is an important moment for Hank."

She rolled her eyes and settled back on the couch, this time curling into her lover's chest. They sat like that for a little longer – she was enraptured in the show while he kept making sarcastic retorts and pointing out illogical moments in his head.

Suddenly, Scully spoke up. "You know, he looks just like you."

"Hank Moody?"  
>"Yes."<p>

He paused for a moment. He could see some similarities, now that she mentioned it. A lot of similarities, actually. The eyes...the face...the nose, poor man...in fact, it was like looking into a mirror. Weird. No, spooky.

"Really?" he said at last. "I don't think so."

"Look! He's got your face, your mouths are identical, and-"

"Sorry, Scully. I just don't see it."

"No, really, you don't think he looks like you?"

"No, Scully, but I do think your obsession with Californication is a little unhealthy."

"Oh, right, because your Kardashian phase was just fine, but my mild liking of one measly TV show is just plain unacceptable."

"Why are women so good at twisting words around?", Mulder complained.

Scully laughed. Mulder smiled, he could listen to that sound all day. Then, after a moment, she admitted, "You know the actor who plays Hank? David Duchovny? Well, he's at the top of my Celebrity-I'd-Tap-That-List."

"You have one of those?"

Without missing a beat, Scully replied, "Don't tell me you don't. What, you watched all those hours of the Kardashians and never once looked at Kim's butt?"

"That's completely beside the point. Who else is on your list?"

"You're not seriously jealous of men we will never meet, are you?"

He took a moment to enjoy their bickering. It was familiar, comforting, and yes, arousing. "Noooo, I'm just making sure-"

Swinging her hips around so she was straddling him, she bent down at started playing with his belt buckle. "I'd probably only like sleeping with him for his looks. I've heard he's kind of a douchebag."

He wrapped his arms around her back and pulled her close. "You would really only sleep with him for his looks?"

She nodded.

"And you say I'm an exact copy of him-"

"Must be an X-Files," she joked. "Wait, no, we had one of those cases. Didn't exactly turn out pretty if you remember."

He grinned and continued. "So that means..."

She interrupted him. "Mulder, you're at the way top of my I'd-Tap-That list for the entire earth. Way ahead of him."

He suddenly pushed her on the couch and following, lying on top of her, kissing her everywhere he could while she frantically tried to take his jeans off of him.

"I love you, Scully. Happy birthday."


End file.
